I did say, not so long
ago, that as far as I was concerned he could rot there and that I would never
visit the man who abused me emotionally, financially and physically after the
death of my parents. So what made me change my mind?
Money is the answer.
Before I can sue him I have to be able to show that I tried to “settle out of
court” and the quickest and easiest way of doing this is to come up with a
number of proposals and then present them to him. Of course I didn’t go on my
own, my “no win no fee” attorney (USA) / solicitor (UK) went with me and she
did most of the talking.
There is lots of paperwork
involved in a prison visit to say nothing of all the waiting around and being
searched once we arrived at the prison. But the prison staff were pleasant
enough and I think they appreciate that the visitors haven’t done anything
wrong and so they try to make the business as painless as possible.
My solicitor gave me some
advice before we spoke to Granddad, “You cannot change somebody else's
behaviour; you can only change your response to it.” Granddad hates me but he
hates being ignored even more and he hates “not being treated with respect”
worst of all. So the advice I was given was not to respond to any provocation
from him and to remain calm and focussed on getting him to sign at least one of
the settlement documents. Granddad had been told in writing prior to the visit
that if we could not agree on any of the possible settlement proposals then a court
case would be the next stage “without any further communication between the
parties.”
I don’t Granddad has
learned anything from his time in prison. He is just as bossy as ever and still
in denial that he did anything wrong. He doesn’t deny what he did to me just
that he thinks he was entitled to do it. He is a very strange man and I think
he is very dangerous.
Within the first 30
seconds he refused any proposal that involved paying me any money from his many
bank accounts and I thought the whole visit had been a waste of time! But
suddenly he did agree to pay me all his monthly work pension for the “entire
time he is in prison”. I couldn’t believe he agreed to this because it will
cost him far more than the other alternatives would have cost him. The
solicitor gave me a gentle tap with her foot to warn me to keep quiet while he
was ranting on – so she had also worked out that I was getting a good deal.
Once it was all signed and
witnessed we left and I will not be visiting him again. We think that he is
planning an appeal against his conviction and so he thinks that he will not be
paying the monthly payments to me for very long. He is so stupid if he believes
this because he entered a guilty plea at the trial and so how is now going to
claim he is innocent after all! That will teach him to sack his own solicitor
and represent himself.
You don't know how strong
you are until the only choice you have is to be strong.
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