tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82202815387931147592024-03-18T20:13:05.069-07:00Out of the DarknessHow I coped (from age 17 - 21) with a double parental bereavementTall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-29686729763845425822016-10-02T03:43:00.001-07:002016-10-02T03:44:27.317-07:00How my "first life" ended - revisited<div style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="color: yellow; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">This blog entry first appeared in July 2013 - many kind people have suggested that there is a new audience "out there" who might benefit from my experiences and have asked me to start reposting my story from the beginning. So here goes!</span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"></span></o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">In January 2010 my parents were both killed in a car accident. We were all in the car at the time, Mum and Dad were in the front and they died, but I was in the back and I survived almost unhurt. I guess it just wasn't my time to go?<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">I was in year 12 when they died, about half way through my AS year, so it was agreed that rather than going to live with my aunt (my Mum's sister), which would have meant changing schools, I should go to live with my maternal Grand Parents who lived nearby.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">To say that this didn't work out well would be a gross understatement. I stood it for as long as I could but in the end I moved back into my former family home and I lived there on my own from the start of year 13 onwards.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Somehow I managed to get the grades I needed to go to the local university. I've just (July 2013) finished my second year there. During my first year I rented out my family home but for my second year I moved back in with three friends who are all on the same course as me. One of them is a very special friend!<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">Some readers might have read parts of my story before. I did write a blog for the ten months after Mum and Dad had to leave me but I was in a very dark place and writing the blog was just a little bit more than I could cope with at the time. I'm much happier now than I was then and I'm sure that I can make a success of this project.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;">I'm just over 5ft 11 inches tall but less than 9 stone. So I'm tall and slim like my Mum was. If you stick with me you will find out why these two statistics are so important!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br /><br /><strong>THIS IS MY STORY.<o:p></o:p></strong></o:p></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-29203605942765446672016-04-24T06:50:00.002-07:002016-04-30T08:28:49.864-07:00Why did I take such a long break from bereavement blogging?
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last night Stewart, my long-time
boyfriend, asked me how long it had been since I wrote a blog entry.
I guessed it was a couple of months but when I checked I was shocked to
find it was on October 30th 2015! So coming up to 6 months. Oh dear.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My problem is one shared by many bloggers. What I would
like to write about people don't seem to want to read and on topics people do
want to read about I sometimes feel that I have run out of
things to say. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So what has happened in my life?</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">CATS - Zero the cat settled in well and all four of
us think we made the right decision when we decided to adopt her. Sometimes I
think Zero can tell the time because three days running as I was driving down
the road to my home I saw Zero walking from her old house towards her new one.
It was just as if she knew that I was due back from work. Zero doesn’t choose
to understand what “No” means. We didn’t want her upstairs but when we catch
her on the stairs and say “No, Zero” she just stops, looks at me and then
carries on anyway. Clearly Zero thinks she is the boss of the house. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Zero's decision to stop going to her former home was
quite sudden and now she lives with us all the time. Her bed is in the kitchen
which is a nice warm room. That seems to be important for cats as they get
older. She doesn’t eat much, again rather like an old person, but she does like
to have lots of stroke while we are watching the television.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">BEREAVEMENT GROUP - Running the Bereavement Group at
school is hard work but worthwhile. It is really sad how many children lose a
parent or a sibling – of course I know first hand that it can takes years
before you get over something like that so once somebody joins the group they
often stay as a member for a few years. It is the boys that find it
hardest. They are trained not to show emotion or to cry in public and sometimes
that is exactly what they need to do! There is enormous solidarity within the
group and that makes my job easier.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MY JOB - As a NQT (newly qualified teacher) I am on a
reduced timetable for my first three terms and I also got quite a bit of
support from my mentor but even with all this extra help I feel fairly worn
out. Stewart is similarly tired out so we are like a middle-aged couple rather
than just youngsters. The annual craft fair was recently held at school.
Stewart and I went along although we didn’t spend very much. I’ve been told
that some of the year 11, 12 and 13 boys were disappointed to find out I had a
boyfriend – I supposed I should be flattered that these youngster take an
“interest” in me. I thought the orchestra and drama club performed at a very
high quality level so clearly some staff must have spent ages working with
them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MODELLING - The modelling course my friend and house-mate
Sally and I did for the authors and illustrators of erotic literature was the
most fun we have ever had on a course. The ladies were lovely, but rather
eccentric, and the time spend modelling went very quickly. Doing the very
tasteful and mild lesbian poses was an experience. It is a good job that we
know each other so well otherwise I don’t think we would have wanted to do some
of the poses. Standing over her with a blood-soaked sword was also rather
strange!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">FAMILY AND FRIENDS - We have been a
bit worried about not having made many new friends recently so we were pleased
when fate provided us with two married couples who live nearby (they
house-share) who have lots in common with us. It was all a bit spooky because
one of them is a girl I had met before a couple of times but in a totally different
town. I think the two wives are sisters although I might be wrong. They were
both brought up in a Children's Home for a few years after major family
problems. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is looking quite likely that Sally and her boyfriend
Mark will be moving out of my home sometime over the summer. We have always
agreed that they will give me 3 months notice although the legal requirement is
just 1 month. We have all lived together for several years and it will be
strange, and not very nice, if they do move away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dad's brother and Mum's sister came to see me recently.
When they said they were coming I just knew that it was going to be something
to do with Nan or Granddad. It turned out to be something to do with both of
them. Nan has been saying for ages that she wants to divorce Granddad and she
has finally done something about it and she has seen a solicitor. Once
Granddad, still in prison of course, found out about it he was very,
very angry and hired a solicitor of his own. He got his solicitor to write a letter
blaming Nan for quite a lot of the financial, mental and physical abuse that I
suffered. The letter was sent to Dad's brother and Mum's sister demanding that
they help him fight the divorce settlement that Nan is demanding. The man is
totally bonkers of course.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-83313047589134424502015-10-30T03:32:00.000-07:002015-10-30T10:44:32.810-07:00Sometimes life is so complicated! - Episode #79<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">It
has been a difficult few weeks for me so I decided to wait until the end of the
half term holiday before writing a new blog entry.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
neighbour we were “cat sitting” for died in hospital last week. Her son lives
on the Kent coast and he came round to my house a few days later to tell me the
news. He didn’t want to take the cat home with him and was planning to call the
RSPCA to either re-house it or to have it put to sleep. My boyfriend and I were not
very keen on either of these ideas so we agreed to keep “Zero” as our cat. Zero
is old and rather deaf but seems happy enough. It is going to be a bit tricky
when we are all out of work as none of our doors have a cat flap. Luckily the
garden shed door has a section of plank missing so Zero can go in there if the
weather is cold or wet.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">On
the same day as the man came round I received the letter I had been expecting
from the County Commissioner about my allegation about the current ladies
county cross country champion. The good news is that he agrees that my
performance this season should have got me a place in the county team – the bad
news is that he doesn’t have the authority to make the selectors choose me if
they don’t want to. It is quite disappointing to think that the best runner
doesn’t get chosen automatically and that the egos of the selectors count for
more than justice!</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
third thing that happened was cross-making rather than disappointing was
something I came across by accident in the public library. Nan has been
appearing in amateur dramatics and the reviewer said that she gave “an
energetic and vibrant” performance”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is the same person who was said to be too frail and too mentally
confused to face justice for the abuse I suffered at her and Granddad’s hands. She
must be laughing that she managed to get away with lying to the Court!</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
best thing that has happened since I last wrote was that I have taken on the
responsibility for the Bereavement Group jointly run by several of the local
secondary schools. Until recently it was run by a local Methodist Preacher who
also teaches in one of the schools but the young people said that they didn’t
want the religious aspects about God’s Will and “going to a better place” – in
the end my Head Teacher thought of me and asked me if I would be interested. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">After
quite a lot of thinking I agreed so I get a half day off once a fortnight to
meet with youngsters who have lost a parent or a sibling. It means that
somebody has to cover my year 7 and year 8 groups but as they were my least
favourite lessons of the week I didn’t mind too much.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">My boyfriend and I seem to coping with our new career as teachers quite well. Much better
than one of the new staff in Humanities who has handed in her resignation once
she realised that teaching wasn’t for her after all.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">This
weekend my best friend and I have an all-ladies life modelling class. They seem to be a
group of authors and illustrators <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>who
specialise in erotic literature and somehow we are supposed to inspire them by
posing in the nude. We have some reservations about this course but it is
particularly well paid!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will let readers
know how we get on.</span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-21158243715498939992015-09-20T06:56:00.001-07:002015-10-30T10:47:36.519-07:00My first proper job - in Mum's (RIP) old school. - Episode #78<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well
I have now completed my first few weeks as a proper teacher! It feels
strange to be working where Mum was working when she and Dad got killed. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It
looks like Fridays are going to be my easiest days so I might try writing by
diary and blog then. When you are a student teacher colleagues are quite
careful about what they say in your hearing but once you are a member of their
team they feel comfortable saying what they are really thinking. I have been
quite surprised how many of them don’t like teaching in the 6<sup>th</sup> form
(years 12 and 13) – some prefer the youngsters in years 7 to 9 (generally fewer
behaviour issues and less pressure from external exams) while others relish the
challenge of years 10 and 11 where pupils can be much harder to manage
(especially the girls!) but where exams give a focus to what is being taught
and where high quality teaching is more easily demonstrated through exam
results.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One
of the reasons that I have more than my “share” of 6<sup>th</sup> form work is
because more senior colleagues don’t want to it and so it is just a lucky
co-incidence that it is my favourite type isn’t it!</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">There
is quite a strict dress code for the pupils that is strictly enforced at the
start of the school year and a fairly strict dress code for the staff that
isn’t enforced but should be. Some staff show too much boob, belly or bum and I
don’t think it creates a good impression that senior staff just sigh and then
say nothing. Of course I just keep these thoughts to myself. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">I
found myself using one of Dad’s phrases yesterday. I mentioned “stirring up a
hornets nest” which would have made him laugh. What happened was that the
ladies county cross-country champion got a brief write-up in the magazine that
goes out to the various athletics clubs. She has won 21/24 races in the 12
months which is good but what wasn’t mentioned was that all three of her losses
were all to a certain Sally Ellis. I mentioned it casually in the club house at
the weekend and by Wednesday the County Commissioner was involved, oh
dear. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Our
elderly neighbour is still in hospital. They want to discharge her but without
a “Care Package” in place they are not allowed to. So her cat is living with us
and if I cannot find the cat at meal times I have to wonder along to her proper
home to find her. The cat seems happy enough, providing she gets food and a bit
of attention everyday she should cope until her owner returns. By chance I noticed
some people moving into one of the houses in our street. This happens a lot but
what made it unusual was that one of the helpers was a girl who shares the same
adult mentor as me. The last time I saw here was in Kidderminster so it was
rather a shock to see her so close to my home.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-67753988627708507282015-09-02T00:54:00.001-07:002015-09-02T00:54:16.576-07:00Sorry but Facebook and Facebook Groups are not helping me move on!I am trying hard not to sound passive-aggressive here but sadly, despite all the hype, Facebook and the associated Facebook Groups don't seem to be what I want or need in my life at the moment.<br />
<br />
Most of the bereavement related groups on Facebook are, unsurprisingly, dominated both numerically and in terms of messages posted, by people who live in the USA and who are both older and more openly religious than me. I don't seem to have much in common with the typical group member and perhaps that is the source of my problem?<br />
<br />
Recently I asked the members of all the bereavement groups I belong to for information on blogs that might be helpful for me - nobody bothered to come up with a single suggestion. Yet when I posted the same question to a much smaller UK based group I got 7 ideas from three different people. What makes it even stranger was that these 3 were complete strangers to me, none were my so-called "Facebook Friends" 95% of whom never comment on anything I post to Facebook or write in my blog.<br />
<br />
I have made a few friends via Facebook and I am pleased and grateful for that but overall my experience has been deeply disappointing.Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-68393084007143332122015-08-24T06:48:00.000-07:002015-08-24T06:58:30.550-07:00On the launch pad - ready for take off!<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_6719" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black;">I suppose the most significant thing that has happened in the last few weeks is that Granddad has been moved to a different prison. I don’t know all the fine details or the reasoning behind it – and Nan isn’t saying – but it sounds like he has been sent to an open prison as an experiment and as a “concession to his age”.</span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_5803" style="color: black;">I am amazed that I am still receiving my monthly compensation payment from him. I had felt certain that he would try to wriggle his way out of paying me what had been agreed but so far every payment has been on time.</span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_5785" style="color: black;">After quite a long quiet spell the strange builder from the house at the bottom of my garden has now circulated draft plans for a revised building development to all his nearest neighbours. There is nothing on the plans to say that he doesn’t own the land he wants to build on and nothing to say that the houses he wants to demolish don’t belong to him. He sent his wife round to deliver the letters because he knew that I wouldn’t have opened the door to him!</span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_5788" style="color: black;">I had my strangest ever modelling session last weekend. It was for a group that like to draw science fiction and fantasy people. So I had a number of strange poses to do including wearing a set of wings like a fairy would have! There were 3 models, Sally and me and a new girl called Davida. This was her first “paid for” session and she was rather nervous before the start but she coped quite well. She lives somewhere over on the west coast of Wales so she had a fairly long trip to the venue.</span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_5791" style="color: black;">We haven’t had any proper summer this year have we? We have had lots of cloudy and quite cold days but not much rain and some of the little streams on the cross-country running courses have no water in them at all which is very unusual. We got back yesterday from a short trip (Monday to Thursday) to Cambridge to see some friends. Houses are very expensive where they live and although they both have quite good jobs they have to live in a small flat on a rather noisy road. They work in industry so they don’t get the long holidays that teachers enjoy.</span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_5793" style="color: black;"><span style="color: red;">The new school term starts on the 1<sup>st</sup> September and the children will come back on the 3<sup>rd</sup> of September. Although I am now a qualified teacher I get offered some extra support for my first year – this is called your NQT (Newly Qualified Teacher) year. I don’t have to teach quite so many lessons and I have an experienced teacher who acts as my mentor. I’m sure that Mum and Dad would be pleased that I have gone into the same job that they both had.</span></span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span> </div>
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<span id="yiv3806528914yui_3_16_0_1_1440237114497_5795" style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;">We seem to have acquired a cat. We offered to look after her for a few days while her elderly owner (and Neighbourhood Watch Co-ordinator) was in hospital. The first day I went round to the house twice just to feed the cat but then she decided to follow me home. I think cats would love anybody who feeds them. Even a cat is quite a tie so I hope our neighbour comes back home soon.</span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-20052302126045615642015-08-04T04:06:00.000-07:002016-03-06T10:59:50.903-08:00Another year has gone - life after death<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;">August 2015 - A year ago I was in that strange waiting stage where something I had been wanting to do for years (my PGCE) was on the horizon. Now the PGCE has been, gone and passed and I am ready for the next stage of my life.</span> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2014 - I went across town to clean Mum and Dad's grave this morning (Sunday). It is supposed to be summer at the moment but it was really cold and also thinking about raining. Most unusually there were other cars in the car park and at least four other groups of people either tending or just looking at graves. I wonder if this was because this is a Bank Holiday weekend? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2015 - With every year that passes I visit Mum and Dad's grave less often. It is just the way it is, nobody could cope with the full-on mourning that happens in the early days for years at a time. The wounds heal and you learn how to cope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2014 - What surprised me the most was that there was somebody tidying the grave next to my Mum and Dad's. In all the many times I have visited the cemetery over the last 4+ years I have never seen anybody doing this to my "next door neighbour's" grave. The old man - perhaps late 70s - introduced himself as Edward. The deceased was his wife but since he moved away to be nearer to his children he doesn't visit her very often. He has decided that he is too old to drive so he came by train, visited the grave on Saturday then stayed at a local guest house before making a second visit to the cemetery on the Sunday. He looked sad and very tired and as it is quite a walk to the station I did my good deed for the day and offered him a lift in my car. He seemed very grateful so I was glad I had thought to do this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;">August 2015 - Although I haven't seen Edward again he left me a note under a stone on Mum and Dad's grave. This was in mid June. He says he is still well enough to travel on the train but he phones for a taxi when it is time to go back to the railway station from the cemetery.</span><span style="color: red;"> I suggested this to him in 2014 so I'm glad he remembered.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2014 - I didn't get much of a look at the other visitors but I did notice a lady in her 20s in the newest section of the cemetery. From the back it looked like the shape of a child's grave so that was upsetting.<br /><br /> One mixed emotion event that happened this week was the effective “closure of the file” on Granddad by the Crown Prosecution Service. I’m happy that the legal side is finished but I did rely on them for free advice and support.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2015 - There has been no further contact with the CPS in the last 12 months so that part of my life is over. Good!</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2014 - I now owe my solicitor a fantastic sum – which I haven’t got – so I am going to have sell some of the shares that Mum and Dad left me. I don’t really understand why I as the victim should end up out of pocket and I will have to double check if the solicitor was joking when she said I could claim the money back off Nan and Granddad. </span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2015 - I took legal action for compensation and they settled out of court so financially I am better off than I had expected to be.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2014 - Since Mum and Dad died so many people seem to have assumed that I already knew things that no normal teenager would ever need to know. It has been quite annoying and frustrating when legal and financial people imply that I’m stupid not knowing things that they regard as really obvious or really simple.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">August 2015 - This is getting better. Now I have graduated, finished my PGCE and got a fulltime teaching post I feel like a proper grown-up and the emotional and experiential gap between me and other people of the same age seems to have shrunk.</span>Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-40052552635190934672015-07-19T12:01:00.000-07:002015-07-22T01:22:17.294-07:00The deceased are frozen in time<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;">Does Mum and
Dad being killed still seem like a bad dream to me even after five
years? Yes it does but not all the time. I think if the initial
horror had gone on unchanging and unchangeable for years it would have been unendurable.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;">These bad
dream moments don't usually come on birthdays or anniversaries. They come quite
suddenly and so are even more painful. They might come when I'm finishing a
race and I look up into the stands to where the two of them used to sit to
watch me compete or when I see one of their favourite books on a library shelf or when I
visit a town that we had visited as a family years before.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;">Now my
university life is behind me I'm starting to think that it is those
"before the accident years" that are a dream and that my
current life is my reality.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;">Sometimes a
noise takes me by surprise and just for an instant I think that I have heard
Mum or Dad coming back from work and that in a minute I will see a familiar
loving face again. But I know, deep down, that they have gone
for ever. They are frozen in time - locked in my memory as they were when I was
17 and still at school.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;">I'm a
different person now. I have moved on while my memories of them have not. Five
years seemed to have rushed by and yet in the middle of night when sleep is
eluding me time trickles passed exceedingly slowly.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13pt;">Sometimes it
is hard to escape the feeling that "moving on" can only happen by me
forgetting the fine details of Mum and Dad. And yet they are inside me, they
made me what I am so forgetting isn't an option. The love they gave me so
freely became the key to let me back into society once they had to leave this world.
When I do something that I know would have pleased them it brings me hope and
peace that somehow they know that I'm still living the life they prepared me
for.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<br />Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-50749096573695960912015-07-19T02:49:00.001-07:002015-07-19T11:59:52.498-07:00My first "Iron Woman" sporting event.<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I have also taken part in – and did rather
well in – an “Iron Woman” event organised by the Armed Forces. Rather like a
Triathlon but with some tweaks to the lengths of the three parts.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The first section was a river swim of 1500
metres. The first part (about 1000 metres) was against the current so it was
best to swim fairly near the bank where the current is slower and the second
part was after we went round a buoy and were swimming with the current so it
was better to be nearer the middle of the river .I was in the first group of 4
that all got of the water within a few seconds of each other. I usually do OK
in the swim so this was about where I had hoped to be.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">We came out of transition still together but
one the first flat part of the 20km cycling section they started to pull away.
I just don’t have the leg speed to cycle as fast as the best athletes. I have
the same problem in running, I will never be a 100 or 200 metre sprinter. But
when we started up the first hill I noticed that I was catching them quite fast
and by the time we reached the top I was in front of them and actually leading
in the race. That felt really good.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The course has quite hilly which suited me. I
kept on expecting other cyclists to overtake me as has happened before on
flatter courses but it never happened. I was getting more and more excited
because I knew that I was probably the fastest lady over the running section
and that if I was leading going into the second transition I might even win the
event.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The second transition came and the 6km run
started – 3 km out and then 3 km back in exactly the reverse direction. When I
reached the mid-point turn I started counting the seconds until I met the
second runner coming the other way. It was about 90 seconds till I met somebody
so I knew I was 180 seconds (near enough) in front. Then I knew I was going to
win – and I did!!</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">One funny thing happened at the finish. I saw
the second runner coming down the final straight waving to the crowd. Funny I
thought, does she think she has won the event?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The answer was yes she had thought that. She hadn’t noticed me running
the other way and she didn’t realise that I was in front of her until it was
far too late!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-146887702263229532015-07-14T06:26:00.001-07:002015-07-14T06:26:28.605-07:00Looking at different career options<div dir="ltr" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1436880077719_4259" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1436880077719_4258" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1436880077719_4257" style="font-family: Calibri;">The teaching part of my PGCE is over and now I have just got to wait until mid-July for the official confirmation that I have passed the course. The final lecture was rather an anti-climax as the lecturer didn’t turn up until 30 minutes after the official start time and by then quite a few of the course members had given up waiting and had left the lecture theatre.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1436880077719_4262" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1436880077719_4261" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1436880077719_4260" style="font-family: Calibri;">On a 1 year course, especially on a course when you spend most of the time away on school placements, you never get to know most of the other students. There were several people that I couldn’t remember ever speaking to.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5852" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5851" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5850" style="font-family: Calibri;">Now the PGCE course has finished I no longer count as a student and so I’m not eligible to compete for the university sports teams or to attend the Bereavement Support Group. Both of these things are rather sad as I have enjoyed getting involved in competitive sport and the BSG has helped me quite a lot over the last 4 years.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5856" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5855" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5854" style="font-family: Calibri;">As regular readers will know when Mum and Dad were killed I inherited their house. In the five years since then most of it has been altered – everything except their joint study. For some reason changing that was like a final confirmation that they were dead and would never be coming back. Well now the carpenter and the decorator have finished the work I employed them to do and the study has been transformed. It looks much better than it did but emotionally it has hit me quite hard. I think I must be suffering from “post-university blues”!</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5901" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5900" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5899" style="font-family: Calibri;">Since September I have putting together a massive to-do-list. It is over 2 pages long and will take me ages to get through. </span></span><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5904" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5903" style="font-family: Calibri;">A few of them might come as a surprise people as I haven’t mentioned them before – mainly because I was so snowed under with work that I didn’t have the energy to explore all the options myself before asking others for advice.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5909" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5908" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5907" style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve pretty much got to do what is called the NQT (Newly Qualified Teacher) year and of course I’ve got a full-time position from September to do this. The Head Teacher of my school is the regional co-ordinator for a teacher exchange scheme and I was wondering about doing that from September 2016 for either 6 or 12 months in Canada or New Zealand. They don’t have many applicants so I would have a good chance of being chosen.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5913" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5912" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5911" style="font-family: Calibri;">Another option would be doing my NQT year then taking my Doctorate (3 years) before returning to teaching. It is easier to do this at the start of my career rather than later on so I am quite tempted.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5917" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5916" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5915" style="font-family: Calibri;">I am still wondering if a career in the Armed Forces might suit me. Senior military staff have encouraged me several times to go in as a graduate and it is a rewarding career in so many ways. It has also been suggested that I could go down the route of full-time modelling. The boss of the agency says I have the looks and body to make £50K a year which is more than I would get teaching. <span id="yiv7528679891yui_3_16_0_1_1435582256442_5918"> </span></span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-37276924472076410832015-06-22T02:27:00.000-07:002015-06-22T12:10:12.060-07:00Letting go and feeling sad<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m
feeling rather sad at the moment. It is silly really because I have a lot to be
thankful for but the fact remains that is how I’m feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
have just finished my PGCE course (1 year full-time) so I am now ready to start
on my teaching career. I was warned that it would be hard work and much more
intense than my degree – they were right! All the work has obviously left me
rather drained and perhaps that it why I’m feeling quite sad about a collection
of fairly trivial things?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When
Mum and Dad were killed I inherited their house. In the five years since then
most of it has been altered – everything except their joint study. For some
reason changing that was like a final confirmation that they were dead and
would never be coming back. Well now the carpenter and the decorator have
finished the work I employed them to do and the study has been transformed. It
looks much better than it did but emotionally it has hit me quite hard.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGjkUjMBxFsyLBflHitA9Qj4-iYiKsDEFm-JuMx3r5D45RjPXeYPHMjQ9XcERyxfc_hxLdT1kfPlePdNNnMeowOXG9LyQVPIAzVU6X7EyOv-wg5u3rIv1wFOZEHubfLtyjzt31ugfMjd2t/s1600/Finished+Endless+Road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGjkUjMBxFsyLBflHitA9Qj4-iYiKsDEFm-JuMx3r5D45RjPXeYPHMjQ9XcERyxfc_hxLdT1kfPlePdNNnMeowOXG9LyQVPIAzVU6X7EyOv-wg5u3rIv1wFOZEHubfLtyjzt31ugfMjd2t/s640/Finished+Endless+Road.jpg" width="426" /></a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
am also feeling rather let down by a (former) E-Pal. We agreed when we started
our regular exchange that if things didn’t work out we wouldn’t just stop
writing. We both said that would be rude and cruel and that we would always
expect to tell the other person that we were going to break contact.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well
Lisa has stopped writing and she hasn’t done what we agreed so I’m left wondering
what has happened to her. Perhaps she found me too boring!?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the other hand it is quite liberating to cross things off of my to-do
list- and not just the things that I had done- but some things that were
undone. For example, I’ve had “blog 500 words twice a month” on my long-term list
of goals for years. I finally admitted to myself that I am never
going to do that - so I crossed it off. It’s amazing all of the things
you can let go of if you really try.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is our master plan, our agenda,
for the way we’d like to go, or look. My closest friends are both
studying for their Doctorates. I had hoped to go down that route myself but it
just wasn’t to be – not yet anyway. I’ll put that one away for now.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGjkUjMBxFsyLBflHitA9Qj4-iYiKsDEFm-JuMx3r5D45RjPXeYPHMjQ9XcERyxfc_hxLdT1kfPlePdNNnMeowOXG9LyQVPIAzVU6X7EyOv-wg5u3rIv1wFOZEHubfLtyjzt31ugfMjd2t/s1600/Finished+Endless+Road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a> </div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-39156056335322480702015-06-01T02:26:00.001-07:002015-06-01T02:26:41.756-07:00Life modelling outdoors!<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1433150344138_4571" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1433150344138_4570" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1433150344138_4569" style="font-family: Calibri;">Ours is a happy house at the moment. Stewart got a teaching job last week. His new school is in exactly the opposite direction to mine so we are still going to need to run two cars which is an additional expense. He was up against 5 others at the interview including somebody who had already been teaching for 2 years in Kuwait as an ex-pat. He was very pleased when he was offered the job and he enjoyed phoning up the other schools where he was due to attend interviews to say that he had got a job so wouldn’t be coming. It is half term in our county so we will be able to have a bit of a rest from lesson preparation.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div>
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<div id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5380" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5379" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5378" style="font-family: Calibri;">The weekend after all this excitement I was away on a 2 day modelling course. It was all very last minute – Sally and I were phoned up on Friday by the agency who were panicking because the two models they had booked for the course had let them down at the last minute. The boss lady was very unimpressed “by their lack of professionalism” but pleased that we were able to take over at such short notice. Models dropping out like this seems to happen quite often but I would never let people down like that. Neither would the other Sally.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div>
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<div id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5375" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5374" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5373" style="font-family: Calibri;">There was 16 artists (plus a few husbands and wives) on the course all from the University of the Third Age. The venue was a fairly posh country hotel in Somerset which the course totally filled up. The organisers had arranged a room for the two of us for the Saturday night so we didn’t have to do too much travelling although it was a bit of a rush to get there for the 9:30 start on Saturday. The paying customers arrived on the Friday evening and had two nights at the hotel – we just had the one.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div>
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<div id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5384" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5383" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5382" style="font-family: Calibri;">Saturday was a nice sunny day which was lucky because we spent most of the day outside not wearing very much! Lots of different poses of varying lengths depending on what the artists had sorted out in advance with the organiser. There was one rather creepy man but everybody else was fine. We didn’t have any full nudity as the clients said it wasn’t required but some of the M&S underwear we wore was almost the same thing. The boys call them “Porno Pants” and tease us for only wearing them when modelling. No normal girl or lady would wear them every day. </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div>
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<div id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5388" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5387" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5386" style="font-family: Calibri;">When we went in the bar before dinner we were immediately surrounded by men trying to buy us drinks while their assorted wives looks resigned or surprised or annoyed depending on their individual temperaments.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div>
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<div id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5392" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5391" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5390" style="font-family: Calibri;">Sunday was cloudy and cooler so we were indoors. We tried something new which involved just wearing a nightie that was rather short. When we sat on a chair or stood by the window there seemed to be lots of (male) artists shuffling around to get the best view!</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5396" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5395" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv1892108429yui_3_16_0_1_1432545043126_5394" style="font-family: Calibri;">We got lovely feedback from the boss lady and the clients and a decent hourly rate so we can afford to eat better this month!</span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-66173308085900091812015-05-12T06:54:00.003-07:002015-05-12T06:54:37.906-07:00Sally's successful job interview!
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
am so pleased and excited because I have got a permanent teaching post for September!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There
were three other candidates, all doing their PGCE but none of them was from my
university. It was a bit strange sitting in the staff room with the competition
especially when they realised that this was “my” school. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We
drew numbers out of a hat for the order in which we did the observed lesson. I
drew number 4 which meant I was last to perform but it also meant that I was
teaching a group of year 12 students whom I know. I thought the lesson went
well, I managed to use all the different teaching and learning techniques that
my mentor (and Mum and Dad!) had taught me and the feedback I was given at the
end confirmed my optimism.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There
were 4 people on the interview panel – the Head Teacher, the Head of Science,
the Vice-Chair of Governors (the man from the quiz) and the long-term link
governor for science who I hadn’t met before but who had known my Mum. I used
every scrap of interview technique knowledge that Mum and Dad had ever shared
with me and I left the interview room knowing that I hadn’t made a fool of
myself. I think I had a pre-prepared answer for all of the questions including
the old favourite, “What are the characteristics of an outstanding lesson?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
other candidates had been given the option of going home and being phoned with
the result but they had all decided to stay. I don’t think they were too
shocked when after about 20 minutes I was called out of the staff room to be
offered the job. <span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Naturally I said “yes please” – of course the job offer depends upon me passing the PGCE but the head teacher strongly implied that wasn’t going to be a problem! <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other applicants had all left by the time I had finished the paperwork so I never got to see them again. I expect they were all muttering about the internal candidate getting the job.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: red;"><strong>I
think Mum and Dad, wherever they are, would be pleased with my days work!<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-36044989549587493412015-05-04T06:58:00.001-07:002015-05-04T06:58:47.856-07:00Job interviews, athletics and bereavement support!<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430747601312_4668" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430747601312_4667" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430747601312_4666" style="font-family: Calibri;">I think it is about time I updated readers on all my news!</span></span><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430747601312_4665" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1430747601312_4664" style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_10873" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_10872" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_10871" style="font-family: Calibri;">I have got three job interviews coming up (my boyfriend S is in the lead with 4) for jobs for September. In order that they are taking place: #1 is a 1 year contract at an OFSTED good school that is towards my limit for the distance I would like to commute every day: #2 is a permanent contact at the school where I am doing my PGCE placement: #3 is also a permanent contact at an OFSTED outstanding school that isn’t too many miles away, but difficult, busy miles if you know what I mean. </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11189" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11188" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11187" style="font-family: Calibri;">I am still doing my modelling. I get booked about every three weeks – always with the other Sally – which suits me quite well. Our very mild and tasteful lesbian poses seem to be what the customer wants so that is what we provide. It is a very good job that I know her so well isn’t it! Now we are well established with the organisers we qualify for a slightly higher rate of pay which is good.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11193" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11192" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11191" style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m busy with athletics as well. I’m mainly doing cross-country or hill climb events rather than track races. The county runners for 5000 and 10000 metres have times worse than mine but they still get selected (and come nearly last in regional events) so my club has made a formal complaint.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> It is of course just co-incidence that one of the selectors is a leading figure in the club where these two are based!</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11197" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11196" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11195" style="font-family: Calibri;">Granddad was supposed to be going to a category D prison but that still hasn’t happened. As I don’t speak to him I don’t know the whole story and I’m not that bothered which sound rather heartless doesn’t it? Nan despite everything she said is now visiting him so my Aunt has been able to stop going. She seemed pleased about that when she told me. Nan’s dementia is suddenly and mysteriously better – now the threat of prison has gone she doesn’t need to pretend any more.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11201" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11200" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11199" style="font-family: Calibri;">S is fine. His school placement seems to going better and better so it is a pity that there isn’t a vacancy there as he would be a strong candidate.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11205" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11204" style="font-size: 13pt;"><span id="yiv3808506665yui_3_16_0_1_1430040031894_11203" style="font-family: Calibri;">Finally there has been a change of leadership at the Bereavement Support Group I attend. The new boss lady runs it more for our benefit rather than her own ego which is a nice change. It is sad how many students have to face up to parent or sibling death during their 3 or 4 year courses.</span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-38083128051507709632015-04-04T02:47:00.004-07:002015-04-04T02:49:09.767-07:00On a brief break from the PGCE<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last week before the Easter break wasn't a typical "teaching block" week. I only needed to be in school for
three days with Thursday and Friday supposed to be for working on my
PGCE portfolio of evidence. This was a rather boring way of spending two days – in
fact very boring.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
two weeks around Easter are in red on the colour coded timetable all the students were
given. Red means holiday! The only problem is that the third course assessment
has to be finished by April 10<sup>th</sup> so most of my so-called holiday
will be used up working on that. I now have exactly 42 teaching days in school
to survive before the end of the course.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once
Easter is out of the way I will have to start applying for teaching jobs. One
science teacher at this school is retiring in July and another is moving on to
a promoted post elsewhere so I am hoping that it might create a vacancy for
little old me. Nobody seems to be leaving at S’s school so he will almost
certainly have to look elsewhere.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Not surprisingly the whole job process is going to be mega stressful</span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
builder from the end of the garden is still being very strange. He thinks that
because he wants to do something that everybody else in the area needs to bow
down in front of him and to do exactly what he wants. Well I’m not going to
unless he makes it very much worth my while financially, and probably not even
then. He offered me £300,000 for my house which is £50,000 less than a house
just down the road was sold for in January 2015. He must think I’m stupid. He
is just the sort of person Mum and Dad would have disliked (bossy and
aggressive) and I dislike him as well.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There
isn’t any athletics or modelling this weekend so the four of us are going to go
out for a couple of day trips. S has sorted out the details but hasn’t
told me anything despite me torturing him the other day!</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13pt; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-18370427031061278612015-03-20T03:01:00.003-07:002015-03-20T03:03:59.844-07:00My PGCE placement - an update<div id="yui_3_16_0_1_1426845427138_5685" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span id="yiv6929356866yui_3_16_0_1_1426426387840_11050"><span id="yiv6929356866yui_3_16_0_1_1426426387840_11049" style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt;">Last weekend
I played rugger for the university. I’m not good enough to play for them on a
regular basis but the usual winger was injured so I was asked to take her
place. We won by one converted try to nil (7-0 in points) so I was pleased
about that. We scored in the first few minutes but after that the other team,
who seemed enormous, had almost all the possession. Somehow we managed to stop
them scoring and I think that by the end of the game they were really
frustrated because, if I’m honest, they were by far the better team. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt;">I am very
busy in my PGCE school placement. It isn’t enough to be good, or even an
excellent teacher. The bosses expect you to be that. If you want to get
promotion you have to do other things apart from classroom teaching. As a PGCE
student I was advised to be quite high profile with lunchtime and after school
activities. I do some work with the PE department, usually after school and
some lunch times I help with the gifted and talented pupils. All this means
that I feel busy all the time and once I get home I don’t stop being busy
because that is the only time I have to do my lesson preparation. My boy
friend is getting on much better now, he has learned to pace himself more
and is happier and more confident than he was earlier in the course. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt;">The man
who lives in the house that backs on to my house is a builder and a property
developer. He is being rather strange with me at the moment. He has some grand
scheme where he would buy, then demolish, four houses including mine. He would
then have enough land to build 6 or 7 houses which he thinks would make him
lots of money. He was very annoyed when I said I wasn’t interested in selling
my house to him. I think he thought I was some stupid youngster who could be
bullied into selling him my house far too cheaply! I’m no expert but some
of the things he said were lies and other bits were just stupid rubbish so I
wasn’t sad when he left. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt;">My
shoulder is now better but I got a kick during the game that has left a massive
bruise on my thigh. It is purple at the moment and doesn’t look very ladylike!</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span> </span> </div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-82604970780838252962015-03-01T02:32:00.001-08:002015-03-01T02:40:16.658-08:00I think both Mum and Dad would have been proud of me this week. <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well my book is out there and some people are buying it - that is the good news. The slightly less good news is that nobody has written a review yet so I'm not getting any feedback on any good or bad points about what I have written.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My bruised shoulder is still bruised. It the worst athletics injury I have had for a while so I shouldn't really complain and at least I didn't break anything.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think both Mum and Dad would have been proud of me this
week.</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Thursday I noticed that the geography department at
school was doing a charity quiz at lunchtime to raise money for their favourite
charity (pumps for fresh water in Africa). I like quizzes so I went along to
watch the fun. At the same time as I arrived so did the Head Teacher and a
middle-aged man I didn’t recognise and the three of us stood at the back. The
organisers wanted one more team – they had 7 but wanted 8 – so the Head Teacher
suggested that the three of us could form a team! Gulp! The man was the
Vice-Chair of the school governors and was doing a “learning walk” to see the
non-academic parts of the school day. Double gulp!</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We were given 3 sheets of questions. #1 was a map of the
world where we had to label various deserts, rivers and mountain ranges. #2 was
also a map where we had to label countries and seas and #3 was a list of
obscure countries and we needed to identify the capital city. Obviously I let
the Head be in charge of our team and she asked the other two of us, “How many
of these do you know?”. My answer was, “Err, all of them” – which was true.
<strong>Thanks to my Dad.</strong></span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We used to do loads of quizzes at meal times all through
my childhood and one of his favourites was world geography. So I knew all the
answers to the school quiz which certainly impressed the Head. We scored 72/72
and beat the geography department staff by 1 mark which was fun, except for
them I suppose. The geographers didn’t know the capital of the (British)
Solomon Islands but I did.</span><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then on Saturday there was a cross country race. I went
early to walk the course first, just like Mum and I used to do. It was a muddy
course, except for a narrow strip in the middle of the track where the
organisers had put down sawdust and wood chippings. I could see that overtaking
was going to be almost impossible because it would mean trying to run on the
wet, muddy parts of the track rather than the drier parts. Only the first few
hundred metres were on a hard surface so I did that part as fast as I could,
this meant I was at the front when we got to the narrow section and nobody then
managed to overtake me. Since it was an open race some of the runners would
have been much better than me so it was good that I dragged them down to my
standard. A couple of them were not at all happy with me or the organisers at
the end of the race, tough! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-81587889278645939002015-02-07T01:04:00.003-08:002015-03-03T07:33:33.868-08:00My new book - "I will wait for you. No matter how long."<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span> <span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: yellow; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><strong>Well it took me
5 years but I finally completed my book on surviving parental bereavement!</strong></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I have been incredibly lucky in having so
many friends who, metaphorically or actually, held my hand as I walked down a long,
dark road. Andrea, Caroline (both of them), Jane, Judy, Lisa, Mark, Martin,
Sally and Stewart – my debt to you is far too large ever to be repaid. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">My solicitor, the Head of the Sixth Form at
my former school and my councillor at the university have all given
unstintingly of their time and expertise to help me – I will always be grateful
for their support.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">My Mother’s sister and my Father’s brother took
on a surrogate parent role with loving patience when supporting me and with
commendable restraint when interacting with Granddad. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I also need to mention the fellow members of
the two bereavement support group I have attended. It was you that persuaded me
that my story was worth telling and it was my ghost-writer that made my dream
come true.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></span></span></span></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Specimen pages from Amazon previewer.</span><br />
</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;">Buying it on Amazon (US) - </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/will-wait-you-matter-long/dp/1507692455/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1423297565&sr=8-2&keywords=sally+ellis" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">click here</span></a></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="color: red;"> </span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="color: red;">Buying it on Amazon (UK) - </span><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/will-wait-you-matter-long/dp/1507692455/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423299381&sr=8-1&keywords=sally+ellis" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">click here</span></a></div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-7308266837429259542015-01-24T09:51:00.000-08:002015-01-24T09:51:07.749-08:00A difficult conversation regarding bereavement support.This week I am going to have to have a difficult conversation.<br />
<br />
I attend two different bereavement support group but since late September 2014 they are both being run by the same person. Perhaps unsurprisingly she is running the two groups in very similar ways and the mistakes she is making in one group she is repeating in the other.<br />
<br />
The warning signs have been there for all to see. The attendance at both groups has declined rapidly since she took over. At the last meeting of the university based group the numbers attending were only 45% of the number that came along in October. All but one of the lads have stopped coming along and as a result the whole feel of the group has changed. There is far less talking by the young people and far more lecturing, almost preaching, by the group leader.<br />
<br />
The problem is that she has made the meeting far too religious. What with a opening prayer and a closing prayer and her quite frequent mentions of "God's Will" the whole affair feels more like a Bible Study class than a support group for young people who have suffered parental or sibling death.<br />
<br />
It feels as if the group is being run for her benefit rather than for the benefit of the young people.<br />
<br />
So the problem is what should I say to her? I have been a member of the group for over 3 years now and for almost all of the time it has been a secular group. It hasn't always been perfect but most of the regulars were satisfied enough with what was on offer to keep on attending. But now some of the familiar faces have disappeared and when I see these former members around the campus they all say the same thing. "I don't want to be preached <strong>at</strong> by that woman". <br />
<br />
So can anybody suggest what needs to be done?Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-39304905538625372032015-01-13T03:55:00.003-08:002015-01-13T03:55:57.141-08:00How would Mum would have rated my performance?<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">5
years after she was killed I wonder what Mum would have thought of how I
have turned out?</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Relationships
- </span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">She
would certainly have approved of Stewart - my long-term boyfriend - and if for some reason she
didn't approve of us living together she would have kept her views firmly to
herself. She would also have liked both my house-mates. They feel like the
brother and sister that I was never lucky enough to have and Mum would have
known exactly why that would have mattered so much to me.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Family
-</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
She would be shocked that her Dad was in prison but not shocked at what he had been sentenced for. Sexual predators like leopards don't
change their spots! Mum would be pleased that I now have a close relationship
with her sister but probably would be surprised that I see so little of my
cousins.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
house - </span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">This
was always Mum's domain and her responsibility. There have been a lot of
cosmetic changes and a few structural ones since I inherited it but the basic arrangement of the
rooms has stayed the same. It probably isn't quite as tidy as she would have
kept it herself but by student standards it is amazingly good. Mum was
never a particular fan of "cooking from the raw materials" so
she wouldn't be stressed by how the four of eat most days. She would have approved that we
always eat at the table and that we almost always eat together. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
garden - </span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Neither
Mum nor Dad were interested in gardening. Both the back and front gardens were
low maintenance affairs - and they still are. The only significant change is
that in the back garden there are a numbers of plants and shrubs that were
donated by people in memory of the two of them. I keep this section tidiest
of all and if I do ever move away all these gifts will have to come with
me.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The
neighbours</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
- Mum always felt that it was important not to get into arguments with people
living near by and especially not if they were next-door neighbours!
When Mum and Dad were alive our family never regarded the neighbours
as friends but they certainly were not enemies either. And I think that still is
where I am. I don't think the neighbours were thrilled at the
thought of having four students living in their mega respectable street but
once they found out that we knew how to behave they seemed to accept us.
There seems to have been a lot of coming and going in the houses closest
to mine; with several of them being rented out by absentee owners. Most of the
incomers are on 6-month rolling leases so they don't seem to bother much about
integrating with the rest of us. </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Career
-</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
Mum would be pleased that I am training to be a teacher and so following in her
footsteps. She would smile that I am doing my major teacher training block
where she used to work.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Mourning
her death</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">
- Above everything Mum would be relieved that I am not still in deep mourning
for her and for Dad. I have indeed found closure which is exactly what she would have
wanted <strong>and</strong> what she would have expected to happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-10299597113451278312015-01-03T03:51:00.002-08:002015-01-03T03:51:33.015-08:005 years on from the accidentThis month will see the fifth anniversary of Mum and Dad's fatal accident. Five years is a landmark that I sometimes thought that I would never reach so I am feeling quite proud of myself. I was 17 when my "first life" ended and so much has happened since then that it is difficult to know where to start.<br />
<br />
All the people I'm going to mention have a pretty good idea of what I think about them so I don't think that I am being naughty when I put it all in writing.<br />
<br />
Dad's parents - They are still going backwards and forwards between the UK and the USA on a regular basis. They have never wanted to get involved in the train crash that was my life after my Dad, their son, was killed. They love me in a fairly casual hands-off manner and that pretty much describes the way I feel about them as well!<br />
<br />
Dad's brother - He has helped me so much that nothing I could write here would do him justice. He is shocked and disappointed by the casual approach of his parents to all that has happened and there is something of a falling out between him and them.<br />
<br />
Mum's parents - They abused me emotionally, financially and physically and both ended up in prison. Granddad will probably never be released since his current life expectancy is less than the number of years he still has to serve!<br />
<br />
Mum's sister - She too has helped me an enormous amount but the "elephant in the corner" is that her decision to allow me to live with a man (her Dad) with a proven track record of abusing teenaged girls without even warning me first was a bad, bad call.<br />
<br />
My boyfriend and my housemates - The emotional and practical debt I own them can never be repaid. Between them they have helped me to repair almost all the damage that Mum and Dad's death caused.<br />
<br />
Facebook "friends" - with a few honourable exceptions they have been a waste of time and energy. I always try to comment on their family news or latest crisis but they never reciprocate so I reckon that it is time that most of them were deleted from my life.<br />
<br />
Pen friends - one or two have been stars, one of two have been a complete nightmare and large numbers have been totally unreliable with the result that our exchanges of letters have lapsed.<br />
<br />
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-34718861580333034642014-12-26T06:13:00.001-08:002014-12-26T13:14:02.188-08:00Following in Mum's footsteps - life modelling.<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last academic year
all the life modelling courses I did were arranged via the university so
clients would approach them and the university would scuttle around trying to
find models prepared to do what the customer wanted. Then everything got moved over to
a newly created outside agency whose first move was to cut the pay rate
for the actual modelling by 17.5% and the mileage allowance paid
for travelling to the venue by 10%. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then in December they
contacted me again claiming that they needed to make their business "more
competitive" by cutting both the modelling and travel pay rates still
further AND removing their obligation to provide models with a chaperone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did some quick sums
and this is how it worked out. A three hour modelling
contact typically takes 4.5 hours out of my day once I had allowed
for the travel time and the unpaid break in mid-session. If I divided the
amount I was paid by the 4.5 hours I was earning less than the minimum wage per
hour. For life-modelling! No thank you very much!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I didn't even bother
returning the contract. Ten days later a second copy appeared with a note
explaining that the first batch of contracts must have got lost
somewhere as none had been returned to them! The truth was of course that
nobody in their right mind was going to sign a "zero hours" plus
"minimum wage when work is available" agreement. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think expecting a life
model to operate without a chaperone is the worst aspect of the proposed
contract. In effect I am expected to arrive at a venue that I might
never have seen before, to meet a group of artists that I have never seen
before and then take off all my clothes regardless of the gender balance of the
group. </span></span><strong><span style="color: red; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Well I
for one am not going to work on that basis.</span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></strong><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It didn't take me long to
find anther agency who, unlike the first, is run entirely by ladies. I will be
meeting with the boss just after the New Year. Every few months she runs
courses at half price for regular clients and in exchange for that she is
allowed to use the discount course to both train and access the suitability of
new recruits for her operation. I will let you know how it goes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-50556768646187875642014-12-10T00:28:00.001-08:002014-12-30T10:14:57.904-08:00It is that cultural tradition again!<span style="font-family: Calibri;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span>
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Although we come to the
same conclusion from different directions (one religious and one secular) </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">the views
expressed within the article "</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Appropriate
and Excessive Mourning" by <a href="http://www.ou.org/torah/parsha/rabbi-fox-on-parsha/emor_appropriate_and_excessive_mourning/"><span style="color: red;">Rabbi
Bernie Fox</span></a> pretty much agree with my own.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"The Talmud explains
that it is prohibited for a person to engage in excessive mourning. The Torah
has established standards for mourning. It is appropriate to cry within the
first three days of the burial. For the first seven days it is fitting to
eulogize the departed. Some elements of mourning are observed for thirty days.
A person who loses a parent engages in some elements of mourning for twelve
months. However, each element of the mourning process should be limited to the
time allotted to it by the Torah."</span></em><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
</span></span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"... there are two
aspects to mourning. First mourning is an expression of personal loss. The
mourner grieves the loss of his or her loved one and experiences the sorrow
intrinsic in bidding farewell to the departed. Second, the mourning process
acknowledges the departed and honors his or her memory."</span></em><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"Life and death are part
of a natural cycle. All living things experience stages beginning with birth,
progressing through growth into maturity, and then decline and death. Is death
of a loved one ever timely? Does a son or daughter ever welcome the death of
even an aged beloved parent? If one’s death evokes deep and painful grief, it
is because the departed brought to those who grieve intense happiness and joy.
To not grieve is to not have loved."</span></em><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"We cannot judge
Hashem’s wisdom. It is not our place to question why He created the universe as
He did. We certainly cannot expect to understand the reason for a person
passing at a particular moment and not at some other time. Certainly, some
deaths seem untimely to us – for example, the death of a young child. Is this
death part of some cosmic plan according to which Hashem guides His universe?
Is this tragedy part of some specific and detailed story that is in the process
of unfolding? Who is haughty enough to claim that he knows the answers to these
mysteries? We only know that Hashem is the Creator. He does not drowse or
sleep. All that happens is a result of His unfathomable will."</span></em><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I know that my Mum and Dad loved me and that I
loved them. They wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad and if excessive mourning
for them had made a difference to what university I qualified for they would
have been furious! They are inside me via my genetics and my upbringing and
that will have to be enough. And that pretty much is what all the students in
the university bereavement group will tell you that they want to do, “suck it
up and move on as best you can”. It is that UK cultural tradition again!<u1:p> </u1:p>
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">People are free to make their own choices but
surely they need to think what impact their choices are having on people around
them? It must be enormously difficult to the married to somebody who is still
in deep mourning for their Mother 10, 20 or even 30 years after she had died.<u1:p> </u1:p></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">It makes me sad that even on a bereavement group
it is possible to find intolerant bullies who shout down any thoughts or views
that are different from their own. They claim it their "freedom of speech
right" to say anything that that want - then in the same paragraph they
want to censor views they don't agree with. <u>So it is freedom of speech for
them but not for the rest of us. </u></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">
<u>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></u></span>Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-1875463572529013822014-11-29T03:52:00.000-08:002014-12-02T13:20:01.483-08:00Why and when you sometimes need to "run like hell"!<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A grown-up friend of mine
shared this thought with me this week – “People can be divided into two groups,
those who divide people into two groups and those who don’t.”</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And his observation made
me look at the world around me with a different perspective. On my teacher
training course (a Post Graduate Certificate in Education or PGCE) his homily
can be rewritten as, “Course members can be divided into two groups, those with
one or more parents who were teachers and those that don’t have this advantage.”
My Mum and Dad were both working as Head of Science (in different schools) when
they were killed and this meant that I was brought up surrounded by the jargon
and professional ethics of the teaching profession. I never considered any
career other than teaching and in a strange sort of way that worked to my
advantage when I was orphaned.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When my happy and secure
world was blown apart I still knew what I wanted to do and what I needed to do
to reach my goal. Hiding away under the duvet and not bothering with school
work was never really an option that I considered because doing that would have
meant that I was letting myself and, more importantly, Mum and Dad down.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Through all the trauma of
emotional, financial and physical abuse that I received from the demon spawn
know as my Granddad I had the image of becoming a teacher in my mind and that
helped me survive.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I started on my PGCE
I wasn’t surprised to find that some of the trainee teachers came from teaching
families. What did surprise me was the size of this group – far greater than
you would get by chance. In the first few weeks of teaching lots of teaching jargon
is introduced and you could see the cohort sub-dividing into two groups, pretty
much based on their family background. My boy-friend is fiendishly intelligent
but he is a first generation teacher and he really struggled for most of the
first teaching block because the lecturers used specialist terminology without
explaining it properly. It seemed ironic that teacher trainers would do this
because it is exactly the opposite of what “proper” teachers would do in their
daily work.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This subdivision into two
groups is also something I have noticed in the assorted bereavement groups I
have attended over the years. Attendees can be divided into two groups, “those
who attend in order to get better and those who attend in order to get worse.”
Even the students I meet at the monthly group organised by the university demonstrate
this division. Some want to know about survival strategies and they look
towards old-timers like me as examples of the proverbial “light at the end of
the tunnel”. Other are content to share their sadness but nothing more – now this
is understandable in the early days after a death of a parent but some don’t
seem to have moved on in several years and I find that so sad.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the adult focussed group
this division is even more marked. There will be people who seem to wear their
sadness and their mourning almost as a badge of honour and loyalty to their
dear departed. Getting better and being able to move on is almost regarded as
being disloyal and I have met a few who have never recovered from a death that
happened 30+ years ago. The most extreme example I can remember is a lady who
was the dominant personality in a Worcestershire based support group. She acted
as if she was newly bereaved and it was only later I found out that she had
lost her Mother ten years previously when she was 40 and when her Mum was 76!</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you find yourself in a
group like this then in the words of the famous group Pink Floyd you should “Run
like Hell”!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8220281538793114759.post-61228006843681265392014-11-16T02:47:00.000-08:002014-11-16T12:16:49.400-08:00You don't know how strong you are until the only choice you have is to be strong.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This weekend I collected
another entry in my new experiences collection – I visited my Granddad in
prison.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did say, not so long
ago, that as far as I was concerned he could rot there and that I would never
visit the man who abused me emotionally, financially and physically after the
death of my parents. So what made me change my mind?</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Money is the answer.
Before I can sue him I have to be able to show that I tried to “settle out of
court” and the quickest and easiest way of doing this is to come up with a
number of proposals and then present them to him. Of course I didn’t go on my
own, my “no win no fee” attorney (USA) / solicitor (UK) went with me and she
did most of the talking.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is lots of paperwork
involved in a prison visit to say nothing of all the waiting around and being
searched once we arrived at the prison. But the prison staff were pleasant
enough and I think they appreciate that the visitors haven’t done anything
wrong and so they try to make the business as painless as possible.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My solicitor gave me some
advice before we spoke to Granddad, “You cannot change somebody else's
behaviour; you can only change your response to it.” Granddad hates me but he
hates being ignored even more and he hates “not being treated with respect”
worst of all. So the advice I was given was not to respond to any provocation
from him and to remain calm and focussed on getting him to sign at least one of
the settlement documents. Granddad had been told in writing prior to the visit
that if we could not agree on any of the possible settlement proposals then a court
case would be the next stage “without any further communication between the
parties.”</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t Granddad has
learned anything from his time in prison. He is just as bossy as ever and still
in denial that he did anything wrong. He doesn’t deny what he did to me just
that he thinks he was entitled to do it. He is a very strange man and I think
he is very dangerous.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Within the first 30
seconds he refused any proposal that involved paying me any money from his many
bank accounts and I thought the whole visit had been a waste of time! But
suddenly he did agree to pay me all his monthly work pension for the “entire
time he is in prison”. I couldn’t believe he agreed to this because it will
cost him far more than the other alternatives would have cost him. The
solicitor gave me a gentle tap with her foot to warn me to keep quiet while he
was ranting on – so she had also worked out that I was getting a good deal. </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once it was all signed and
witnessed we left and I will not be visiting him again. We think that he is
planning an appeal against his conviction and so he thinks that he will not be
paying the monthly payments to me for very long. He is so stupid if he believes
this because he entered a guilty plea at the trial and so how is now going to
claim he is innocent after all! That will teach him to sack his own solicitor
and represent himself. </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>You don't know how strong
you are until the only choice you have is to be strong.<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></div>
Tall Slim Sallyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01161731031589561410noreply@blogger.com0