Saturday, 27 July 2013

Writing to a younger me!

Dear “Pre-Bereavement” Sally,

It is more than three years since the accident so now let me offer you some words of advice about coping with the nightmare just waiting around the corner.


Nothing to do with Mum and Dad’s fatal accident was your fault. Nothing at all and beating yourself up with a whole series of “what if’s” isn’t sensible: so please don’t do it.

Your form tutor at school wasn’t able to understand girls. Girls without problems were bad enough – orphans like you put him miles outside his comfort zone. Just ignore him as the useless person he is.

The warning bells in your head were right. You should never have gone to live with Nan and Granddad. You put yourself at the mercy of people who didn’t understand the meaning of the words compassion or empathy. Those enigmatic conversations with Mum’s sister were her trying to warn you about Granddad. Listen harder to what she is telling you.

Moving back to your old home in year 13 to live on your own is going to be a tough call. Be brave enough to do it and to then stick it out when things get really tough financially. And yes, your suspicions will turn out to be dead right - Nan and Granddad were robbing you blind the whole time you were living with them.

Don’t rely on Mum and Dad’s so-called friends for practical advice or emotional support. Yes they did sometimes feel guilty about deserting you but not guilty enough to do anything about it. Develop your own support mechanisms based on people you trust.

Making yourself go to school when all you felt like doing was hiding under the duvet will 100% be the right thing to do and will get you the grades you need to go to university.

The weight you lose will make you a much better athlete with a body most of your friends would die for. 5ft 10.5in and 8 stone 10lbs is brilliant, not a disaster.

You will make some special friends early on in the first year of your university course. All three of them will help you to rebuild your life and the debt you owe them will be beyond words.

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