Nothing was ever simple
when dealing with Nan and Granddad. I was paying to stay at their house but
I certainly wasn’t treated like a lodger. He wanted my money and he wanted to
be in control but he also wanted to be seen by his friends and colleagues as a generous
and kind person. All this meant that he had a number of personalities and he
switched between them depending on who was around.
I can remember arriving
home a bit later from school than normal – a sporting event I was in had
over-run by about 15 minutes. This would normally cause a major row because
Granddad liked his life, and the life of everybody around him, to run to a
strict timetable. But when I arrived one of his friends from the Bowls Club was
in the house and so he switched on his interested grand-parent routine. Once
his friend left I got well battered both physically and verbally as Granddad
reverted to normal!
For several months after
Mum and Dad were killed I was quite often in a frantically sad and stressed
state. Quite little things used to upset me but my G-Parents just were not into
feelings. Their way of coping with the death of their daughter was to act as if
it hadn’t happened so if I even mentioned my parents I would get into trouble.
It was only the support I got from the school that made my life even half-way
bearable.
Having something as simple
as a lock on my bedroom door turned into a massive issue that was never sorted
out. They used to knock, wait about 3 seconds, literally, then march in.
It was ridiculous. I was a paying guest, paying quite a lot actually, with zero
privacy. Not nice at all at 17. Twice I remember sitting on the bed topless on
purpose hoping that somebody would come in so that the lock would get sorted
out. Nan was a great fan of M&S clothes so I used this to wind them both
up. I purchased the briefest bikini in the shop and that summer I used to
sunbathe in the back garden. Nan couldn’t say anything because all I would have
said was “But I got it at M&S”.
Nobody could say granddad
was liberal and sometimes he could be quite creepy, I used to feel quite
uneasy if he came into my bedroom for a chat at bedtime, even if
Nan was with him. I'm surprised that Nan allowed it even after I switched
from wearing a nightie to wearing pyjamas!
Escaping from them and
going back to live in Mum and Dad’s old house felt like escaping from prison.
As you might guess I was "bad mouthed" by Granddad whenever he was
explaining why I had left their house. Nothing was ever his fault of
course.
You really have had a difficult time. Do you have an aunt or uncle? Perhaps you could try to pursue a strong relationship with them. Do you have brothers or sisters? Where are you spending Christmas this year? I hate to think of you spending it with your grandparents being mean!
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