Letting go and feeling sad

I’m feeling rather sad at the moment. It is silly really because I have a lot to be thankful for but the fact remains that is how I’m feeling.

I have just finished my PGCE course (1 year full-time) so I am now ready to start on my teaching career. I was warned that it would be hard work and much more intense than my degree – they were right! All the work has obviously left me rather drained and perhaps that it why I’m feeling quite sad about a collection of fairly trivial things?

When Mum and Dad were killed I inherited their house. In the five years since then most of it has been altered – everything except their joint study. For some reason changing that was like a final confirmation that they were dead and would never be coming back. Well now the carpenter and the decorator have finished the work I employed them to do and the study has been transformed. It looks much better than it did but emotionally it has hit me quite hard.

 

I am also feeling rather let down by a (former) E-Pal. We agreed when we started our regular exchange that if things didn’t work out we wouldn’t just stop writing. We both said that would be rude and cruel and that we would always expect to tell the other person that we were going to break contact.

Well Lisa has stopped writing and she hasn’t done what we agreed so I’m left wondering what has happened to her. Perhaps she found me too boring!?

On the other hand it is quite liberating to cross things off of my to-do list- and not just the things that I had done- but some things that were undone.  For example, I’ve had “blog 500 words twice a month” on my long-term list of goals for years.  I finally admitted to myself that I am never going to do that - so I crossed it off.  It’s amazing all of the things you can let go of if you really try.

Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is our master plan, our agenda, for the way we’d like to go, or look.  My closest friends are both studying for their Doctorates. I had hoped to go down that route myself but it just wasn’t to be – not yet anyway. I’ll put that one away for now.

 

 

 

Life modelling outdoors!

Ours is a happy house at the moment. Stewart got a teaching job last week. His new school is in exactly the opposite direction to mine so we are still going to need to run two cars which is an additional expense. He was up against 5 others at the interview including somebody who had already been teaching for 2 years in Kuwait as an ex-pat. He was very pleased when he was offered the job and he enjoyed phoning up the other schools where he was due to attend interviews to say that he had got a job so wouldn’t be coming. It is half term in our county so we will be able to have a bit of a rest from lesson preparation. 

The weekend after all this excitement I was away on a 2 day modelling course. It was all very last minute – Sally and I were phoned up on Friday by the agency who were panicking because the two models they had booked for the course had let them down at the last minute. The boss lady was very unimpressed “by their lack of professionalism” but pleased that we were able to take over at such short notice. Models dropping out like this seems to happen quite often but I would never let people down like that. Neither would the other Sally. 

There was 16 artists (plus a few husbands and wives) on the course all from the University of the Third Age. The venue was a fairly posh country hotel in Somerset which the course totally filled up. The organisers had arranged a room for the two of us for the Saturday night so we didn’t have to do too much travelling although it was a bit of a rush to get there for the 9:30 start on Saturday. The paying customers arrived on the Friday evening and had two nights at the hotel – we just had the one. 

Saturday was a nice sunny day which was lucky because we spent most of the day outside not wearing very much! Lots of different poses of varying lengths depending on what the artists had sorted out in advance with the organiser. There was one rather creepy man but everybody else was fine. We didn’t have any full nudity as the clients said it wasn’t required but some of the M&S underwear we wore was almost the same thing. The boys call them “Porno Pants” and tease us for only wearing them when modelling. No normal girl or lady would wear them every day.  

When we went in the bar before dinner we were immediately surrounded by men trying to buy us drinks while their assorted wives looks resigned or surprised or annoyed depending on their individual temperaments. 

Sunday was cloudy and cooler so we were indoors. We tried something new which involved just wearing a nightie that was rather short. When we sat on a chair or stood by the window there seemed to be lots of (male) artists shuffling around to get the best view! 

We got lovely feedback from the boss lady and the clients and a decent hourly rate so we can afford to eat better this month!

Sally's successful job interview!

I am so pleased and excited because I have got a permanent teaching post for September!

There were three other candidates, all doing their PGCE but none of them was from my university. It was a bit strange sitting in the staff room with the competition especially when they realised that this was “my” school.

We drew numbers out of a hat for the order in which we did the observed lesson. I drew number 4 which meant I was last to perform but it also meant that I was teaching a group of year 12 students whom I know. I thought the lesson went well, I managed to use all the different teaching and learning techniques that my mentor (and Mum and Dad!) had taught me and the feedback I was given at the end confirmed my optimism.

There were 4 people on the interview panel – the Head Teacher, the Head of Science, the Vice-Chair of Governors (the man from the quiz) and the long-term link governor for science who I hadn’t met before but who had known my Mum. I used every scrap of interview technique knowledge that Mum and Dad had ever shared with me and I left the interview room knowing that I hadn’t made a fool of myself. I think I had a pre-prepared answer for all of the questions including the old favourite, “What are the characteristics of an outstanding lesson?”

The other candidates had been given the option of going home and being phoned with the result but they had all decided to stay. I don’t think they were too shocked when after about 20 minutes I was called out of the staff room to be offered the job. Naturally I said “yes please” – of course the job offer depends upon me passing the PGCE but the head teacher strongly implied that wasn’t going to be a problem!

 

The other applicants had all left by the time I had finished the paperwork so I never got to see them again. I expect they were all muttering about the internal candidate getting the job.

I think Mum and Dad, wherever they are, would be pleased with my days work!

Job interviews, athletics and bereavement support!

I think it is about time I updated readers on all my news! 

 

I have got three job interviews coming up (my boyfriend S is in the lead with 4) for jobs for September. In order that they are taking place: #1 is a 1 year contract at an OFSTED good school that is towards my limit for the distance I would like to commute every day: #2 is a permanent contact at the school where I am doing my PGCE placement: #3 is also a permanent contact at an OFSTED outstanding school that isn’t too many miles away, but difficult, busy miles if you know what I mean.  

 

I am still doing my modelling. I get booked about every three weeks – always with the other Sally – which suits me quite well. Our very mild and tasteful lesbian poses seem to be what the customer wants so that is what we provide. It is a very good job that I know her so well isn’t it! Now we are well established with the organisers we qualify for a slightly higher rate of pay which is good. 

 

I’m busy with athletics as well. I’m mainly doing cross-country or hill climb events rather than track races. The county runners for 5000 and 10000 metres have times worse than mine but they still get selected (and come nearly last in regional events) so my club has made a formal complaint. It is of course just co-incidence that one of the selectors is a leading figure in the club where these two are based!

 

Granddad was supposed to be going to a category D prison but that still hasn’t happened. As I don’t speak to him I don’t know the whole story and I’m not that bothered which sound rather heartless doesn’t it? Nan despite everything she said is now visiting him so my Aunt has been able to stop going. She seemed pleased about that when she told me. Nan’s dementia is suddenly and mysteriously better – now the threat of prison has gone she doesn’t need to pretend any more. 

 

S is fine. His school placement seems to going better and better so it is a pity that there isn’t a vacancy there as he would be a strong candidate. 

 

Finally there has been a change of leadership at the Bereavement Support Group I attend. The new boss lady runs it more for our benefit rather than her own ego which is a nice change. It is sad how many students have to face up to parent or sibling death during their 3 or 4 year courses.